Getting Involved in BDSM

With the internet it is easy to get involved in local communities all over the world.  Fetlife.com is about the only site I recommend for finding communities.  It isn’t really designed to be a dating site; it is a social networking site, the Facebook of BDSM.  Although many still use it as a dating site.  Fetlife definitely has its issues and could always use some improvement.  But it has been the best place in my personal opinion for networking in the kink community.   All these people you come across doing everything imaginable.  You may think some is hot, some is not and other things you see you ask yourself WTF!  Welcome to the kink world, it can be a strange, fun and scary place.

So here are some quick tips for dipping your toes in the water…

  1. Use a pic of yourself not anyone else. If you are not able to be out and open about your lifestyle that is ok. Use some cute meme or something like that. Anything that won’t be construed as a picture representing you.  Most all of us in the kink community understand that you can’t always use a picture of yourself.  But it is never ok to use a picture of someone in a manner that people will believe is a representation of yourself.
  2. Fill out your profile. Granted like any other social website, many people won’t read the profile, they’ll just see the profile pic and write all kinds of ignorant to intelligent things to you. But the ones worth talking to will read it.
  3. Attend education classes and events to learn about the lifestyle. Don’t assume that since you read 50 shades of grey you understand the nuance to the lifestyle. Other than exposing the BDSM lifestyle to a more mainstream public view.  That book has little to nothing to really do with the lifestyle.  There are many organizations who provide educational classes, workshops and events all over the world.  If you did join Fetlife, you can find many of these organizations through the events tab at the top of the website.
  4. Attend munches or social events to meet people. Get out and active in the kink community and you’ll have friends flowing before you know it. Yes, this can be scary and nerve wracking. Especially for someone who tends to be shy and introverted.  It is also possible you won’t quite feel like you fit in at first.  But keep going and trying, people will begin to open up when they start to realize your wanting to become part of the lifestyle.  Not just another passer by stopping in to look at the kinky people.
  5. There is only one true way to practice the BDSM lifestyle, your way! So take the advice and education you get and adapt it to fit you in a personal meaningful way. However, pay close attention to the safety precautions of certain play aspects.  Doing anything in an unsafe manner in which could cause serious harm to another is never ever ok.  And never assume you know everything…. I’ve been in this lifestyle 20ish years and I am still learning new things all the time.  Humility, it will go a long way to aiding you on your personal journey.
  6. You may be living a kink lifestyle but common sense still applies here like it does everywhere else. There is a real life world with work, kids, family, etc. that we all have deal with. How you work kink to fit into the world is the personal journey you’re on.
  7. Communication, learn how to! It is one of the most important concepts to the lifestyle. It is fundamental to your personal growth and the relationships you develop.  Be honest with yourself and your partner(s).  It may not always be the easiest thing to do, but it is the only intelligent way to be.

 

I hope you find these quick tips helpful as you step into the lifestyle.  Stay safe, have fun and enjoy the ride your about to get on.  Because it can be a doozy at times!

-NrthnRebl

Just your average ordinary everyday dude….

Barbed Wire Suspension, wtf!

So I raised the bar in #suspension and #bondage from using #rope to barbed wire a few years ago.  I have noticed it gain some popularity so I figured posting this article might help anyone debating this kind of play.

Why would I play with this stuff?  Because I can and I don’t see many people playing with it in this fashion.  It is pretty when finished in a sadistic industrial sort of way and there is a huge rush from the risk factor involved.  But let me explain something about barbed wire bondage and suspension most may not think about.  It isn’t very safe, definitely not a thing in any realm of sanity and before attempting to do it understand the full risks involved.  I think I’m an idiot for doing it so I won’t recommend anyone else trying to do it.  But, if you do please fully understand the risk level you’re taking.  Make sure your bottom fully and 100% completely understands the risks involved as well!

Top of the risk list is cross contamination!  You’re taking metal wire with 1” barbs on it, wrapping someone’s bare skin in it then placing all their weight on it.  What do you think is going to happen?  It is going to cut, nick, possibly puncture the skin and there will be blood.  The same applies to the top trying to work with the stuff.  Your hands will get nicked, cut and punctured while putting it on a bottom.  Therefore the risk of your blood contaminating them and vice versa is very likely.   Wearing thick clothes and tough leather gloves can reduce this risk.  But understand it is there just the same.

Next of the risk list is possible infection which can arise from doing this.  There is no way to sterilize the barbed wire.  All you can do is make it sanitary as possible before use.  Baking it at 450 degrees for at least 20 minutes will help burn off oily coating on the wire and burn off viral and bacterial contaminates that may be on the wire.  I also recommend using a brush and antibacterial soap on the wire prior to baking it.  Is this method a 100% effective?  I wouldn’t make that claim, but it will be as clean as you’re ever going to get it.  Again, there is no way to sterilize barbed wire.

Number three on the list.  Nerves/Nerve clusters, arteries and placement across bone areas like the ribs or spine for example.  You absolutely must pay attention to where the barbs on the wire are being placed.  1” barbs can and will puncture.  You do not want to make your bottom suffer permanent nerve injury, bleed out or chip a bone.  Even with paying attention to all this, you have a high degree of fucking this up because you cannot make this stuff as tight as rope.  There will always be slack and risk of it sliding, cutting and changing your placement of the barbs is pretty high.  Rope also bends and is more forgiving when under load, metal wire is not.

Weight load break factor is next.  There is no rating on the wire for how much weight it can actually support for this sort of application.  You are twisting it up like a garbage bag twist tie to make your knots.  There is a fair degree of risk that one of these twists could fail or even the wire itself.  You cannot see what the wire looks like under a barb.  What if there is a weak point behind there and it snaps?  The simple answer is you’re fucked.

When your bottom is in trouble in rope, you reach for your safety shears and you can have them down and out in quick fashion.  Your safety shears with barbed wire is bolt cutters and if they get in trouble people cannot rush up, take the bottoms weight off the rope while using shears to cut them out.  If folks rush up to take the bottoms weight off the barbed wire, I promise you they will cross contaminate the wire and the bottom.  There is no fast way out of this stuff!

This only is a topical glazing of the things that can go wrong with this stuff.  It is not for the faint of heart and not for anyone who doesn’t pay absolute attention to what they are doing.  You have to be zoned in to the scene and the health of your bottom at all times.

You need to be willing to accept the outcome of what you’re doing from both the top and bottom side of the coin.  If this doesn’t scare the top, bottom or both from doing it.  I’m not sure what will.  In the end I honestly don’t recommend doing this.  But if you feel the need to push your luck and you are both fully aware of the dangers and outcomes.  Please proceed slowly.

Just your average ordinary everyday dude….